Blog post written by Evie Plumb
Since being young children, we've been told that sex is something to be ashamed of. Even if we’ve not been explicitly told sex is something bad, it's hinted throughout our childhood and adulthood - especially for women!
We’re told in school that sex is this clinical, mechanical thing we do, to have children, god forbid for actual pleasure! This means, as we all tend to know well, pleasure isn't something we often get off the bat. We tend to fumble around in the dark until we pluck up the courage to say what we like or turn to porn for our education - porn can be great entertainment but its definitely not sex ed. You can read more about this here.
We’re supposed to feel guilty for liking it or talking about it, but if we do it too much, we’re promiscuous. There's no winning, so why not say fuck it and join the people who want to normalise pleasure? Because only good things can come from communicating.
What Is Sex Positivity?
Being sex positive is a positive and judgement free attitude towards all things sexual. It’s the ‘radical’ idea that sex is pleasure-based and not just for procreation.
Being sex positive doesn’t demonise sex or sex work in any way or attempt to make anyone feel guilty for their urges or desires.
A sex positive person constantly works on de-stigmatising any areas of sexuality that society has taught them to shame.
It doesn’t mean you’re this big kinky sex obsessed person (although you can be!), you can be sex positive and never have had sex. It doesn’t mean you push sex on everyone, it’s respecting and understanding people’s preferences whether that’s abstaining or swinging.
And it definitely doesn’t mean you’re a ‘slut’ - unless you want to be of course!
Basically, being sex positive is just not being a dick, having respect for each other and wanting ourselves and others to have the best time!
How Can I Practice Sex Positivity?
You don’t need to be constantly campaigning sex positivity to be in this mindset, there are little things you can do to get people thinking and help untrain your brain!
Talk About Consent - this is a topic that can be uncomfortable, but it needs to be talked about with everyone. Your partners, friends, family, siblings, we all need to be talking about it and nothing but good things can happen from it.
Cut The Slut Shaming - we’ve all done it, it’s so internalised from a young age and its okay if you have - but learn from it, ask yourself why you are calling that person a slut? Would you say that about a guy? Does it affect you? NO, so stop - and call out others for it. Celebrate that person enjoying themselves.
Keep Learning - there’s sooo much we didnt learn in our school sex ed! Follow sex positive accounts and unlearn harmful sex ed you learnt on the playground or down the pub - and teach others!
Stop Yucking Other Peoples Yum - just because you’re not into what someone might be, don’t shame them. We’re all allowed different sexual preferences and if we all had the same the world would be very boring.
Speak Openly About Sex - It’s fun, it’s educational, and it’s SO positive. Sometimes you just need a little sex talk sesh with your mates. Talking about sex with those around you goes against the ideas that we aren’t supposed to talk about something so taboo and secret. Of course, if it makes someone feel uncomfortable, respect their wishes!
Learn to Love/Accept Yourself - Body positivity is big at the moment. And as good as it is, it can put pressure on us to love ourselves all the time. Instead of working on loving your body all the time, focus on accepting your body and loving it some of the time. We can dip in and out of loving our bodies and that’s totally normal - don’t feel guilty for feeling bad sometimes, we’re human!